i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
