Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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