Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
