We won't sleep together?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
