no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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