I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
