yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
