Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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