I want to walk on stilts...naked
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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