plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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