you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
