You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
