you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
