Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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