I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
