We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
