Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am puke
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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