I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am naked and annoyed.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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