Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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