oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
