I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
