While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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