Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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