Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
