Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
