He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
