I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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