"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
