two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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