I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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