moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think i got beer on your cat.
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