Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
