Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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