he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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