i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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