sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love you.
Bad choice
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
