when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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