We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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