I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
