dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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