i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
