White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
