I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
