Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
