Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
