i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
