only if we run a train.
done.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
