she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
