I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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