Someone shit on the floor
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
