Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want a musical about memes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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