we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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