Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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