Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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