do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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