$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
