I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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