3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
