she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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