I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
