I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
