How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
