I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
