Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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