brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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