also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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