You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
