Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
