you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
