two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
